pucker up

Dear John 2003-01-28 8:05 p.m.

Sometimes I think that Tu-pac is still alive. It's just that it's been years and he's still releasing music.

Well anyway, I e-mailed a few of my friends from back home and almost got sad. I miss them, but just like when we go out. We always had our own lives. Well my one friend Jenn's wedding is in about a year. I keep reminding her that I'm going. She was so concerned about that. I mean of course I am going you actually made me a brides maid. anyway, that's nothing for me to worry about for awhile.

I wrote one of my dear John letters. I think i am actually going to send it to him this time. It's not like I would have to worry about the repercussions. I was thinking about doing a,"can't ever forgive you for hitting me, taping me, embarrassing me, the poison ivy, the aweful sex..." On and on but I figured that would take forever. Then I think about taking one terrible experience like getting me high on weed and drunk on beer, then taking advantage of me then putting my clothes back on and dropping me off. Grrr... I had no clue what the fuck went on that night. he had no shame. So I finally decided that wasn't the way to go either. so I figured what would be most beneficial to me would be to laugh it all off.

It was a casual letter that made me feel all the control in the world. For once I could think of him and not cry about all he did. I turned the tables and and diminished the power he had over me. I told him that it was me who had the unhealthy infactuation. I also slyly stated it was only because He was the first guy I had sex with. You know I had to let him know without making it painfully obvious that I had slept with other Men.

La di da, I tried to confuse him a bit because I know how dumb he is. Then I through in real kick how I heard he got fucked up by this kid henry on the night I left. That was just to take a jab at his pride.

I am going to send it out tomorrow. it's ashame that noone knows all of the history between him. so I thin I might try to write a story or event down like once a week. Or maybe I'll do the stories and put it in a private folder and give the pass word to those I deem worthy. Whatever I'll keep you posted I on what I decide.

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