pucker up

Alexandra Bachelier 2002-07-26 1:25 p.m.

I am very nervous because it's only two more nights until I leave. I have to admit I am scared to fly. I have to do it though. I keep getting like violent visions of the plane going down and me getting hysterical and refusing to die. Rushing and thinking of ways to shield myself from fire, impact, jutting steel metal beams, my hair burning, cabin pressure, getting away from the suction when hitting water, swimming and treading water while temporarily blind and hairless until help arrives. These aren't true visions, just what I create in my head. I'll be okay. I have to worry about under toes and rip tides on the private beach. Oh and my friend is deathly afraid of the sharks there so he isn't much help. I just really wish I was flying out with them and not by myself. Well at least I know I'll find a friend and someone to talk to on the plane. I am excellent at that.

I made a bunch of beaded jewelry last night. I love to do crafts but when am I going to wear all of these necklaces and shit. I really should start giving them to friends or selling them. Hey if you're interested and I decide I like you, e-mail me and I'll send you one. Anybody, I have a lot. I also make these really cool wire figurines that I would have to sell. I'll post pictures of them soon. They are originals and cool. And only I know how to make them! You'll love them I bet everyone does.

I have to get those Pics of me down anyways. I just wanted to give people a visual of who's writing here. I know that when I read other people diaries it kills me to know what they look like. I'll end up putting vacation pics of me up in a month probably. Trust me I am not a vein person, I am just trying to not be ashamed of myself or care what other people think. The only way to do that is put yourself out there. Plus I can see if I lost any poundage.

I didn't take pictures of myself for like a year and I never realized I put on 40 pounds. Ugh... now I can watch and see if I am doing badly. Alright I really am not obsessed with my weight though it seems that way. Trust me it really doesn't limit me from anything at all. Well except wearing a bikini and shopping at wet seal. Actually I know girls half my size who can't wear bikini's and even if I was a size 5 the scars would still keep me from strutting around in two pieces.

OH! I am an obsessive stalker. I love to watch the making of the bands and Pop stars. So Anyway please tell me if any of you noticed this, but this girl named Alexandra Bachelier was on Popstars 1. She made it to the workshop in L.A. then got the boot. She came back for Popstars 2 and didn't even make it back to the workshop because of her shitty attitude. So now i am watching American Idol, and who shows up, but this terrible reject. Again she didn't make it to the finals, so now she going to be on "Protaginistas de la Musica" on channel Telemundo. Oh my gosh she is trying out for a Spanish version. Grrrr... She aggravates me. Well she's from Miami and that's where I am going. I want to find her and tell her how bad she is. I figure it would be easier than getting a hold of the Aging Slut Mariah Carey. That's going to be a whole other story some other time.

Well to anyone who reads this; I must have succeeded in making at least a third of you convinced that I have a mental disorder. Talk to you later!!

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