pucker up

-How Unwanted am I 2002-10-28 8:05 p.m.

I got woken up today by my grandmother yelling about me to my uncle this morning. Then she said the same thing, are you leaving!? Then she offered me a thousand dollars to get out. This is my family. How great are they. Then the mother I live above, is rooting for them too. I have to get out of there.

I always wanted my own place, I just wanted to be able to afford it. I really need a roommate but it's not happening anytime soon. I just been at a point where I really hate my life. They have me so fucked up that I don't even want to bring myself to go home. I truly have nowhere else to go. My head feels like there are mice or somehting burrowing around in my head. I need to do so much laundry then I start to cry. Then I throw up. How can they do this to me. Everyone else can't believe that these are my relatives.

I just want to pick up and move far away. i wish I had relatives that did care. Or a friend to go to. States away, I want to remove myself from my family right now. I want to pray for that and I just want for someone else to pray for me. I want to be in someone elses prayers, where they hope I am safe and i get forgiveness and stay in good health. I wish that someone else prays for my soul to keep. I wish someone else would ask God to watch over me an give me the opportunities that they have. I want them to wish that I wouldn't suffer.

I can't wait to be on my way I can't even stomach having to be around anyone of those awful people. Noone should be around people who make them sick. God help me, he always does.

Well I have to get off this subject because noone should stay depressed this long. This weekend I am on the prowl. i had this insane Dream about John. He makes me sick but this dream is leading me to him I have to find him. This weekend.

I don't know what the future holds but when I have troubles like these I can only think, that 5 years from now it won't be this way. I won't have to worry about this when I am married and have kids. I'd hate for it to come so quick but I have to get past this because I can't be miserable anymore.

How do I ask for Zanax.

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