pucker up

The Cat is Back 2003-06-02 2:09 p.m.

Does anyone ever realized that they have changed. Do you ever have a moment when you just think,"Wow, I act like this?". I don't understand it but I have changed a whole lot. I have become this being that has lost a whole lot of drive. I mean all kinds of drive. I remember being this little vixen that always thought of amazing things. I use to always think about sex and boys and just the touch of a human body. High school was so filled with skin on skin interaction that it obviously held me over for a couple of years. It's weird I talk to my friend's up here and it's like I am part of a whole other group then them. They talk about sex and stuff and I usually don't ever really chime in. A lot of the times I am taken for someone who has little or no interest in sex. I can only assume that is thought of my experience. They blush as they tell me about their past night or time, not knowing that it's nothing that would offend me. I remember how I always use to be on the prowl exuding sexuality all around. Believe me I was no hoe or anything, but I would always feel so sexy. With that I would be sexy. I think of all the times a cute senior, or quarterback that would sneak behind me while on line for the bathroom at a party. The soft whisper in my ear about me looking good, their breath on my bare neck. For that one moment, right then, I am thinking they could get lucky, but they are left with just the thought of it. I love guys I do, there is nothing like them. Their smell, the feel. I'll be sitting by myself trying to get a quick book in, and they walk up to playfully knock it out of my hand. I love the way they crouch down directly in front of me so their knees are straddling me, trapping me. When I get up to leave they grab my wrist to lift themselves up and I can inhale the cologne lifting of their necks. Body language is the best. Why have I been so down and out? I wasn't like that 6 years ago, or even 3 years ago. I know some of the shit that has happened to me may justify my decline. Not anymore, I encourage those out there to be oh so sexy, because I am back!!!

this is going to sound weird; referring to my little adventures as innocent. Oh but that was when sex was fun, just the thought of sex was fun. Sitting up late night in a dim light, writing away in my diary a detailed entry about what when and where. I mean just one little touch or feel that let's me smile for days. I would love taking a walk to meet up with someone, and getting buried in each other for hours. Sometimes I think about what it could'vie been like if I was more open to more guys. Like I said, I had that much fun and that was with 3 boyfriends, and having only slept with one. That was a time to remember, a time to relive.

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