pucker up

Man oh man 2003-06-27 7:50 p.m.

I had an interesting day off. I actually went to the pool and laid out for an hour and a half. Whenever I go alone I never make it that long. I like to get some some on me so my scars aren't as prominent. Also the boys dig the caramel complexion. I never really noticed how white my ass was though!

I walked around all morning applying for a second job. I figure as soon as I get one I can fly back home for my first paycheck. I said I didn't want to go back until I lossed 20lbs and well here I am! It makes me laugh when people try to show concern, like I am a frail little stick or something. I am really not doing anything but dieting, you know none of the bonus extra's. (Laxatives, vomitting, fasting...) So other than it maybe being a health problem of some sort, I must be doing it right for once. Tee hee.

I have been keeping busy fixing up my apartment some more, my Mommy has sent me more stuff from back home. I watched old, well from October, movies of me and my girls. I miss them soo much. I also caught a glimpse of Anthony in there. It's weird cause it was on my Birthday and I was up at the mike singing. He was staring and gazing. So sweet, I guess it was without a doubt that I slept with him a week later. I sometimes can't believe I did that, I also hate myself for not calling him afterwards then up and moving to Florida. I know he was upset and couldn't talk about it to many people because he was respecting me. I really didn't care if anyone found out, I never asked him to stay quiet, but I know he didn't want to cause trouble between me and Melly. I can always see my lost opportunities after the fact. I can never recognize them as an opportunity at the moment. I suck. so poor guy got arrested for DUI last week. He had a beer and a half, and that's all it takes sometimes.

Sometimes I have these daydreams about going back home and looking completely different. Just returning with a new attitude and taking everyone by storm.

I got to go I just talked to my mom and I can't even talk about what she did right now.

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