pucker up

Downtown 2003-08-17 2:35 p.m.

Today I feel like a freak. Maybe I should lay off the crack. Sometimes I just go to a dark place. I am apathetic, the sadness of the people around sticks to my bones. Unwantingly. Sensitivety is certainly a burdon, and I am the beast. Grrr...*pauses and holds up hands in a clawing fighting stance*,"Grrr...". So yes maybe an early morning smack attack wasn't the best idea. Just kidding, not about the mood or the Grrr...but about the Crack. I don't do drugs. I get a bit cranky when my side hurts. Every once in awhile my body realizes that there is an organ missing. Hopefully it isn't a warning of those to follow. My body is history and each scar is a chapter. I love them, my self esteem is not affected one bit.

I am haunted by dreams that are easily mistaken for reality. I think it's because their memories in disguise. I am down and I don't want to be. Hey there cheer up, random thought: I think that Kevin Costner kind of sucks now.

Peace. I can't help but feel retchid today. I can just taste the anger. Maybe ice chips from my heart are flowing through my veins. Woo, wow, a little darker than usual, what the fuck, am I back in Junior High. I guess that maybe I don't have anything going on so I am bored. One of my guy friends says I need to get laid. I really don't think that would be it. You know that was just his way to justify an invitation. Like I can't spend another day of a guy's hot breath on my neck telling me how pretty I am. So sad, but doesn't anything on the inside counts? I want to go back to being the ugly unnoticable Tom boy I was. Then things were easily explained, obvious why I wouldn't date. Now it's not understandable why someone wants me. Anywho, that crazy bitch Michelle is booking a flight to come here in October so I have to get cheap tickets to go back with her. I am very sad that my trip back had to get cancelled. Other sad news, Melrose Place only shows at 9 now on E. Mind Numbing.

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