pucker up

Day One 2003-10-10 9:21 a.m.

Wow, I had so much fun in New Jersey. I am so glad that I flew up there. It was worth it. Let me also take a moment to give a shout out to Song Airlines (Operated by Delta). I never had such a comforting time. The last time I flew I was a mess. I know it. This time I really didn't get too upset. I thought I was going to cry on take off but one of the flight attendants was really nice and I didn't think about it. The flight back was even better. Use them if you can. Back to the subject. I am going to do one entry for each day since I only have so much time.

I fly in 20 minutes early and my aunt picks me up. I spend the day with them and then depart towards New Jersey about 5: pm. I take the Long Island Railroad to Penn Station in New York. Jump on New Jersey Transit to Penn Station in Newark. Hop on the PATH to Harrison. Oh my, I am home and nothing changed. It's like I never left. I stand on the corner and wait for Melly to come pick me up. My mom couldn't because the breaks or something. What a bitch. So I chat with Lisa from down here about how weird it is and she wishes me a good time. I turn to the right and well I fucking see my brother. He didn't recognize me at first then he looked dead on and just stared. Like I would say HI to him. What an asshole. I just giggled to myself.

Melly and Mark pick me up and I am excited!!! They thought I was my younger sister. He grabs the bags and we are off. I drop my stuff off at my mom's, hug them then tell them i will be back in a few. Melissa's apartment is so cute. I have a beer then we decide to go out and try to find people. There was no one at the first bar. WE keep trying then we go to Molly's. I go straight to the bathroom and catch a glimpse of Ryan. Yes I walked out to my one night stand drooling over me. We nod hello and I think, "Um...he was lucky." We chat with a few friends then leave.

When we get next door to the smaller bar. Everyone end up being out, including John. My first. He looked so bad. Heavier, the hair was a mess. We say hi briefly and i glow the rest of the night. My smile from ear to ear makes me easily approachable by former and new conquests. "You look so good, your hairs so light, you�re so tan, you got so thin." There it is!!! I always wanted to just appear one day like 30 lbs. skinnier, and I did. I actually fulfilled a dream (yes stupid) of mine. Great!!! I ran into Chris and he couldn't stop staring, I ran into guys that down right thought I was gross years ago who couldn't leave me alone. I loved it.

On my way back from the bathroom I ran into John. He pulled me over and told me how great I looked and started chit chat. I would do the whole obligatory speech. He cuts me off, "Okay okay, can I have your number..." Awesome I practically rendered him speechless. He wants me so bad. Don't worry I only saw him once more and it was to say BYE. It felt so good. I stayed a few more minutes then kristyn and Coleen came and picked me up.

We went back to their apartment and Christine and Amanda jump with joy. Everyone can't get over how much weight I lost and how good I look. I call Lisa to thank her for introducing me to hating carbs. We stroll down memory lane, the girls chant for me to sleep with John, and we have fun. It was perfect. I got dropped off at my mother's and we all talk for a few.

Mom says,� You smell like alcohol."

I say,� Well they were fresh out of Pop at the BAR so I had to turn to beer to quench my thirst."

I laugh she calls me a smart ass and I finally drift of to sleep. I didn't dream but I didn't need to that night. It is sad and I know not to care what other people think. I do believe that a lot of things went wrong for me because of the way i look or how much I weighed. So anyway let's call all of this a guilty pleasure.

<< now >>