pucker up

Stood Up? 2003-12-30 8:36 p.m.

Okay, so he has been in an awful mood all week and I was really concerned. I mean I am very empathetic and I was worried that on top of work sucking, he had me to deal with. I just wanted him to feel as nice as he makes me feel. With that I must of confused him. Anyway, he gave me a ride home on Friday and I invited him in to see my ferret. I am not good at reading signals so I didn't know what was up because he just didn't seem the same to me the past two days. I was very relaxed and we chatted so he was going to leave cause he had to get back to work. I waited until he was like 1 1/2 feet out the door to give him a hug. He kissed me and asked me about going out on SAt. I mean I answered his question of, "What time you get out tomorrow..." with "Whenever you'd like." Okay I may not be into jumping threw hoops, but you got to at leasst point me in their direction so I can make a choice. I wanted him to know that this had change from a one sided situation as suttle as I could. We kissed good-bye and that was that.

Saturday I believe he was in an even more retched mood and I can't really blame him. As far as I knew we still had plans. I wanted it to be a group thing because I wasn't sure that I could take the stress of being alone with him. I am really rusty when it comes to one on one dating. He was cranky and I tried to cheer him up. I was real nice and even invited him over to take a nap instead of going out. He left without saying good-bye which was fine.

I woke up at 5:15 am, was at work at 7. I stayed until 8:pm waiting for him to call. At this point I was getting upset that I wouldn't be going out. I haven't gone out in a long time. I invited the manager out and decided that a group atmosphere was what I needed. We called him before we left and he was still on. I asked him specifically if he wanted to go out and if not I wouldn't mind. I told him that it didn't matter to me what we did, dinner, drinks, movies, I even threw in that we could just stay in at my place and watch movies. I may not have had the intention to sleep with him. I mean maybe he doesn't either, since he has not the last two times we were together.

Anyway, my main thing was that I needed to know whether or not I would be getting into my PJ's because I too was exhausted. He told me no, and that he would call me when he was done. I said I would at least be up until 10 and he said it wouldn't be that long. You know what I was ready by 9 and laid back in my chair until like 10:30. No Phone Call, so I waited for Lisa to meet up with me and we went to T.G.I.F.'s. Daniel met up with us and we got plastered. I mean I had been up for hours and I only had pizza that day and hadn't eaten past 2 that afternoon. I also started with beer and then had Diet Coke and vodka's to chase them down.

Long story short he ended up meeting us around 2 in the morning and we went to Denny's. He was totally distant with me, I was bombed, Lisa was thriving for his attention. I almost cried because I was drunk and P.M.S.ing, my friend was being bad, he was acting like he didn't want me and well I have my self-esteem deal. I think he was cranky, and well I was probably a bit much to take. We were also real close to work and I know I was being affectionate and I should have been a little smaller. I remember that Karen notice him and Lisa bantering back and forth and consulted me outside because she saw I was hurt. I remember him getting upset that I wouldn't eat. It was real hazy towards the end but when he dropped me off we fought and he yelled at me. I yelled at him back and Lisa shows up at my apartment.

This girl no matter what, never sleeps over but she shows up at my place that night. you have got to be kidding me. I said somethng about it, and he gets all concern. So I just told him if he wants her go for her. I am sure she would adore the fucking attention. I mean I was drunk so I got really sensitive and really upset when he was cursing at me. He threw my issues back in my face and how he's married and has the kids. He said he thinks he is going to end it because I am getting attached.

I was getting upset because he was being a dick, but I can't remember the last time I have been attached to anything in year's. So now it's a ego deal. I sadly but madly told him I was sorry for making it all too tempting, and making him fuck up, and all of the enticing and walked off. I cried that night and even some more in the morning. I didn't exactly know why I was upset but I have no clue what I have been doing the past month either.

I t wasn't until later the next night I found out that I was mad at him and not sad anymore. I will finish the story tomorrow.

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