pucker up

done 2004-05-31 2:17 p.m.

I had been through a roller coaster of emotions taht have left me fine. So weird, 1 week and it's over. hI hit the point where I don't care and I am ready to date full force. what the fuck have I been doing the past few months. Why obsess being not good enough? That wasn't the problem at all, it wasn't the whole question of what's wrong with me that I have problems with this jerk-off. The only problem I had was I was too good.

You see I figured something out this weekend after losing 7 pounds. i was leafing through my old photo books and had like an epiphany. it's all about my perspective. You see once I stop thinking about looking better, I thought about how worse I use to look. Then I wondered why is it that I always think that I am not good enough or i push everyone away. this has never been confirmed to me by anyone so why think that way, you know so negatively. Maybe it works the other way. maybe I am too good. Maybe that my wacky personality and open mind is too much for anyone to handle. That's not my fault so why cry over it. Any guy I get hurt over well wasn't and isn't worth it. So it takes me like a few months to realize that. Why tortue myself I push the time period up to now. Now now now!!! No more, sometimes you need to know when to be a bitch and this will be the time.

Work is going by slow today and i am planning a night out. A fun night out the way that a single 23 year old should. I want to not discuss work, my boss, or anything. I need to meet new people and not someone I know everything about and they still know shit about me. I hope that works!!!

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