pucker up

-I hate John 2002-12-24 3:37 p.m.

so ends my days, not knowing the ways.

pulling in all directions from my emotions.

up and down i'm inside out, left or right from north or south.

hate i feel, my pain i deal.

i don't like you or anything at all, break you like an old doll.

one reason is for your lies, two reason is for your eyes.

three reason i must admit is jealousy, for not having a heart as empty.

i spend my time feeling guilty and angry, spend my life being lonely and hungry.

i fill my voids with the musts and can'ts, you fill yours with the lust in your pants.

so here's my ode to you with a taste of misery, side of hope that you'll call me.

i've heard that this plate goes great with company.

My head hurts a bit now. You know when you think not too hard, but too fast. I think I thought of everything i done in the past 5 years. I did it all in like 5 minuts. It's alot to process. My past filled with after school practices at wrestling, then going to a match. Me and John both losing a match and fooling around on the back of the bus. Walking behind eachother towards the Ave and Kim calling after me. Where are you going? She's jealous she knows where I am off too. First to the Chinese place for cigarettes, then to Tony's Deli for condoms. find the spare keys to the basement. It's time for fun. I really don't think this is a proper day for a highschool girl. I laugh now but I should have cry then. I wish I could be as dismissive as I use to be. That's when sex was still innocent, and not a need

Oh well, this all made me the woman I am today. Leaving John behind is really good for me. You know how the first always has that power over you. Now I can say noone does. what a lost cause. Merry Christmas to everyone.

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